


Comfort in Victory

by Vetus



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 17:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16288997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vetus/pseuds/Vetus
Summary: The crew of the Ebon Hawk has successfully saved the galaxy. One member of the crew is not in a celebratory mood, however.





	Comfort in Victory

Malak was dead, and the Star Forge destroyed. Aboard the Ebon Hawk, an atmosphere of joviality prevailed. Not only were they victorious heroes, but they had emerged unscathed. No member of their crew had lost their life, and even Bastila had returned to them. 

Through the Hawk’s windows, the two ships that formed their honor guard kept pace, supposedly leading them to the beginning of the victory celebration. Inside, however, thrilled with victory, the crew had begun their own celebrations.

Canderous had already raided his stash of whiskey, and he and Carth had quickly developed into a rhythm of seeing who would be the last one to slide out of their chair. This was observed with great amusement by the rest of the crew, and even HK-47 seemed content, although that might be merely the after effects of its overclocking bloodlust, a product of their storming through the Star Forge’s corridors. At the very least, its utterances of fleshbag per hour (FPH, as Revan has started thinking of it) were down by half. 

Then the cards came out, followed by Mission pulling out something that was certainly illegal in the system they were passing through. Revan wondered whether he should say anything, since it looked like things were going to get out of control fast. Then he realized he didn’t really give a damn. Let the Jedi Council fret and worry, demand obedience and wring their hands. He had fallen to the dark side, and then returned to the light and found it stronger than ever before. Let others worry about rules, regulations, and fear. He knew the truth now: both sides were as ruled by passion as the other. The only difference was motivation, in selfishness for the Dark, and selflessness for the Light. 

Let them enjoy their vices, he had decided. They certainly had earned it. He might even join them. The after effects couldn’t be any worse than Force Lightning, and he had been hit with that too many times to count. And nothing too bad could happen to the ship. Unless HK-47 was a worse influence than he thought (and he knew exactly how dreadful that droid was, having built it), T3-M4 would not imitate the organics in whatever way synthetics did, and would therefore ensure the ship didn’t crash into some roving asteroid. 

He wondered how the Jedi were taking it. What were they thinking? Oh, there was Juhani, a grin on her face, happy to be accepted at feeling lonely for so long. And Jolee, as stoic as always, but not displeased. They’d be fine, but what about Bastila?

He scanned the room but couldn’t find her. Strange. Sidling up to HL-47, he asked if the droid had seen her, it being the most observant occupant of the room. 

“Bastila Shan retired soon after boarding the ship, Master. She displayed symptoms of distress. Observation: Now would be a perfect opportunity for those diversions you fleshbags never seem to tire of.”

Revan nodded distractedly, passing up the potential verbal sparring match. He was worried about Bastila, and not for the reasons the rather crude droid had insinuated. She was unstable at the best of times, which was one of the reasons he had become attached to her. Well that, combined with the piercing intellect, absurd power in the force, and a body most women would kill to have. That instability, however, had begun to worry him. As he grew stronger in his own convictions, her own wavered and disappeared, until her falling to the dark side was almost as simple as flipping a coin.

As it was just as easy to talk her back to the light. He had found lies springing easily to his lips, as easily as his memories recalled he once did, but such a method was completely unnecessary. He had spoken nothing but the truth to her. A simple statement of facts. To remember their quest. To remember his power compared to that of the pretender Malak. To remember their love. 

It was easy. Far too easy. He had know that all along, but didn’t have time to work on it with the galaxy in peril. Now was the time, he thought, treading down the corridors of the Ebon Hawk, to Bastila’s room. 

He didn’t bother to knock, already feeling the strong emotions flowing through the door. He opened it, and there she was. Still breathtakingly beautiful, even with her face twisted in sorrow, and streaks of tears down her cheeks. She glanced at him as he entered, before returning her listless gaze to her knees. 

He hadn’t expected this. Anger or hatred, maybe, but not despair. He sat next to her on the bed, put his arm across her shoulders. She tensed underneath him, seeming to withdraw even farther into herself. 

“Bas—“ he began, before being instantly interrupted. 

“Don’t say anything. And don’t say you don’t know why. I don’t know why you even would want to talk to me.” she said, voice weak but steady, hopeless but clear. 

“It’s ok—“

“Shut up,” she said. “You’re too good with words. I don’t want to hear them, or you.” 

Her voice echoed with grief, in contrast to her harsh words. She spoke haltingly, now, but he let her speak. “I don’t know why I saved your life. I saw you broken, and bleeding, and it seemed like such a horrible way to die.”

She paused and tried to wipe her face, ineffective fingertips on cheeks. “Of course, I might have instead given you a fate worse than death, destroying your memories, with a false identity in their place. But your greatness shined through, and despite myself, despite hating myself every moment, I fell for you. It was wonderful, even as the guilt rose, as each word spoken made me feel more unclean.”

She took a deep breath, whole body shaking. “And then, I abandoned you. Like a coward. All to make the pain stop. It was pathetic, to be willing to kill you just to make the suffering end. Your words cut through that haze, made me see myself as the fool I was acting. And now here we are, and nothing is right.”

He took his hands, and gently but firmly turned her head until he was staring into her glistening eyes. “I’ve never thought of you as a fool, and I don’t regret anything that has happened.”

He leaned forward, fighting a smirk. “Don’t tell the Council, but it seems they’ve underestimated the Force yet again. My memories are coming back to me. But, you know what, even if I never got them all back, I wouldn’t mind. Sometimes you start down a path, and never can free yourself from it. If the method was drastic, so be it. It’s a small price to pay to be the greatest warrior on both sides of a war.”

“Why must you joke about everything?” she said, but her voice held a small undercurrent of humor amongst the sadness. 

“Because I enjoy it, and you love me. Because what matters is results. Because when your loyalty decided the fate of the universe, you gave it to me. Because you’re powerful than you know.”

She shook her head, and he continued. 

“You always doubt. You once told me you never could be as strong as me. That’s a lie. I’ve felt your power. You’re the only one in the galaxy who can match me. I want that, need that. I am stronger than I ever was as a Sith, because I’ve had you by my side. As both lover and enemy. I want you to guide me, as I will guide you.”

At this he grinned. “And if we do fall to the dark side, I’ll be the apprentice. This ridiculous student killing the master business really is not a great idea.”

She let out a choked laugh, and he paused a moment to breathe. He opened his mouth to say more, but then she was upon him, wet face pressed against his. Their lips met, and he breathed into her. Her arms wrapped around him, and the touch said more than words ever could. Everything was going to be just fine.


End file.
